Please Divert Your Course

This is based on an actual radio conversation between a U.S. Navy
aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities
off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. (The radio
conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on
10/10/95 authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.)

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to
avoid collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND
LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE
ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS
SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES
NORTH--I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH--OR
COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Calling Extras for The Hobbit.

I've read in tonight's news that the call has been put out for extras to be auditioned for The Hobbit.

Essential requirements are:
- Men and Women aged 17-80 years
- Men: MUST be UNDER 170cm (5 foot 7 inches)
- Women: MUST be UNDER 158cm (5 foot 2 inches)
- You MUST be prepared to be available at short notice


It seems that at 176cm tall, I don't qualify. Does anyone have some form of spinal compressing device out there? ... LOL!

I guess that with being part way through the process of buying a house, I have enough on my plate at present.

So, if you fit all the above requirements and live in the central North Island of New Zealand, opportunity could be knocking at your door.

Bride Flight

Hi reader

I've been a bit slack on maintaining this blog in recent times. Whenever something newsworthy happens, I tend to forget about it when I log onto my machine. Sometimes I even forget that this blog exists. Hopefully, I can turn a corner here. It took me a few attempts to suss out my password.

Anyhow, three years ago, I had posted here about being a movie extra for the movie Bride Flight.
The movie was finally released on DVD recently. I didn't get around to seeing it during screening at the cinema. My parents informed me that I do appear a few times as an extra in the movie. I have since watched this myself, and identified myself in nine instances. It's not my taste in movies, but it's also not everyday that my mug shot appears in the background of a movie.

Sardines in Oil ... 2010 Style!

The Rules of Cricket Explained

The rules of cricket explained No. 1:

The pie metaphor.

Right. So the guy from the other team is called a "bowler" and he's trying to knock your pies down before you can eat them. He throws with an overhand motion, releasing the ball before he steps into the crease, usually bouncing the ball on the ground to make it harder for the pie-eater to pick up. To protect your pies, you have a bat, and when he throws the ball, you swing the bat and try to swat the ball away. If you hit it, you and the other pie-eater switch places and then you can eat one of his pies.

The rules of cricket explained No. 2:

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he is out. When they are all out, the side that's been out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

"When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out, he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who are out all the time, and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game.

Jury Service Oddities

This week, I was summoned to attend jury service. Though I constantly got shortlisted to be empaneled for juries on some mornings, I was never selected to be a juror (though I have been a juror on two prior occasions, whilst still living in Dunedin).

With the ever colourful idiosyncrasies of human nature being what they are, here are some truly bizarre highlights from this week:

Monday: The lady of Asian origins who ended up being a juror, but could not actually understand what was happening. She had to be replaced after the jury of twelve had already selected their foreperson. The judge questioned how this could happen and she was not amused.

A juror who had difficulty hearing; - the judge arranged for a court official to purchase headphones from Dick Smith's electronics, so that she could actually hear the proceedings.

Wednesday: The de facto couple who were both selected to appear on the same jury. Surely, there was pillow talk during this trial, but hopefully no domestic disputes erupted when they deliberated for a verdict. Myself, and a former work colleague who was also partaking in the jury pool, can not believe how this could actually happen.

The woman who's name was balloted to enter the jury box: - she asked the judge to be excused from the trial, as she did not feel able to take part in this particular case. The judge declined her request. Luckily for her, the defense lawyer subsequently issued a challenge, and she was thus eliminated from that jury. A replacement juror's name then had to be drawn from the ballot box.

Today (Thursday), another woman already empaneled on a jury of twelve, decided that once their respective foreperson had also been selected, she'd announce to the judge that she did not want to take part in the case, as her spouse/partner is a policeman. The defense lawyer then offered to expend his remaining "challenge". The judge declined the lawyer's offer, and stood the would-be-juror aside instead, A replacement juror then had to be selected.

Surely, most people who struggle with hearing, comprehension, or harbour some form of prejudice, declare this sort of information to the court officials before embarking on this stage in the proceedings.

There were multi-lingual signs plastered all over the jury assembly rooms, advising people to notify court officials of such issues.

All of this comical court entertainment helped, to sporadically humour the otherwise dull authoritative proceedings for us punters, who were there ... just biding our time and making up the numbers.

Doctor Joke: Brilliant!

I love this Doctor! I wonder if he practices locally!



Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A:Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it...don't waste on exercise.. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A:You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A:Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3.. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

When Wombats Attack

Quite a few years ago, I was hand feeding a Wombat in Australia. The jolly round little beggar decided that it wanted to have a good go at my fingers. My experience was nothing compared to this unfortunate fellow, as described in the following article from Stuff NZ:

A rare wombat attack has left a Black Saturday survivor with bite wounds to his arms and legs.

Bruce Kringle, aged in his 50s, got more than he bargained for when he emerged from his caravan at Flowerdale, north-east of Melbourne, on Tuesday morning, to be attacked by a wombat.

Mr Kringle, who is waiting for his new house to be built, was set upon by the wombat which mauled his leg and then managed to pull him to the ground.

Kelly Smith, who works at the Flowerdale Hotel, said the wombat then jumped on Mr Kringle's chest and continued scratching him with its claws.

"Bruce managed to find an axe and killed it," Ms Smith told AAP.

"It's bizarre what happened.

"He's okay but the wombat mauled his leg, got him to the ground and then started clawing at his chest."

She said Mr Kringle is living in a caravan on his block of land until his house is built.

Paramedics cleaned the man's wounds and took him to the Northern Hospital in Epping in a stable condition.

Geoff McClure, compliance team leader for the Department of Sustainability and Environment, said a wombat attack was extremely unusual.

He said wombats could feel threatened and rush at a person, especially if the animal was suffering from the skin condition mange, caused by parasitic mites.

''In the advanced stages wombats become very irritable and anyone who approaches them, they usually view as a threat and may run towards them,'' he said.

''They appear aggressive but we have never had reports of wombats actually attacking people.''

Airport Security Event

Customs Official : 'May I know your name?'
Passenger : 'Batman'
Customs Official : 'What's your name!?'
Passenger : 'My name is Bat-man'
Customs Official : 'Trying to be funny? What's your surname?'
Passenger : 'Super-man'
Customs Official : 'So you're telling me your name is Batman Superman?'
Passenger : 'Yes'
Customs Official : 'Arrest this guy...


When they had him in custody, he was asked to show his identification card: (scroll down)

Amazingly Simple Home Remedies

I received this particularly funny list from someone at work. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.



AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER..

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40.. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT:

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM  DOWN THE STAIRS

Philosophical Consumption.

The philosophy of democracy can sometimes be skewed towards three wolves and one sheep holding a vote to determine what's for dinner!

More Pointless Trivia

The jellyfish known as Turritopsis nutricula is biologically immortal.

The word queue is the only word in the English language that is still pronounced the same way when the last four letters are removed.

Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand.

The placement of a donkey's eyes in its head enables it to constantly see all four of its feet!

Pointless Trivia

Broccoli has an IQ of about 2.

The tongue of the chameleon is twice as long as the rest of its body.

The eye of the giant squid can reach 15 inches in diameter!

Not to be confused: a bibliophile is a collector of rare books while a bibliopole is a seller of rare books.

Captain James Gallagher, flew the B-50 Superfortress taking off on February 26, 1949 Carswell Air Force base in Fort Worth, Texas on the first round-the-world, non-stop flight. The plane, carried a crew of 14, averaged 249 miles per hour on the 23,452-mile trip that ended successfully on March 2. The Superfortress was refuelled four times in the air by B-29 tanker planes.

The well known 26 mile marathon has actually been 26 miles, 385 yards since 1908. Before the 1908 Olympics the official marathon distance was exactly 26 miles. For the 1908 Olympics in London, England it was decided that the royal family needed a better view of the finish line. The race started at Windsor Castle and organizers added an extra 385 yards to the race so the finish line would be in front of the royal box.

From that point forward the marathon distance became 26 miles, 385 yards (42.195 kilometres). The International Assiciation of Athletics Federations (IAAF) adopted the distance as the "official" marathon distance in 1921.

For the only time in recorded weather history, snow fell in the Sahara desert in southern Algeria on February 18, 1979. The storm lasted only half an hour and the snow was gone within hours.