My Flatting Memoirs Part 1

Friday June 12th 2009 marks the twentieth anniversary since I left my parents home.

To celebrate my twenty years of independence, I thought I would write about some of my bizarre/humourous flatting experiences. I'm now married, therefore my flatting stories are becoming more historical ... and possibly occasionally hysterical as time moves on.

I have made many great friends via flatting over the years, but I have also lived with some truly bizarre, or even quite annoying individuals over the years. To protect the names of various folk I've flatted with, I'll just refer to them as an alphabetical letter.

My very first flat comprised of a six bedroom place in Moray Place Dunedin. I moved in, on the 12th June 1989. My bedroom was not much bigger than a shoebox, but it was comfortable and easy to heat in the winter..

On the whole, my flatmates here were quite good. But even good flatmates can cause strife at the inconvenience of others.

For example, Flatmate F rarely did any cleaning or housework. He sat on his lounge chair eating cold fish, peaches, baked beans or spaghetti straight out of tins with a fork or spoon, just so that he could avoid washing dishes.

When it came to F's turn to empty the rubbish and place it outside for collection, he just could not be bothered. In the end we resorted to taping the rubbish bag to the outside of his bedroom door and taping the letters 'M T ME' on the bag.

F also locked himself out of his bedroom one time. He decided that the best way to break into his own bedroom, was to remove ceiling tiles in the adjoining hallway, and climb up and over the wall and and enter his bedroom via the ceiling. Unfortunately, F was rather heavy (all that canned food and McDee's of course), so when he attempted to climb over the ceiling, the metal brackets holding the tiles buckled under his weight. He crashed through his ceiling, sending broken tiles, dust and himself crashing on to his furniture below. I had seem his feet disappear up through the ceiling and we all heard the noise.

Flatmate A was a lad from a small town who enjoyed partying. One Friday night, when having a few drinks, he vomited down the back of a large night-store heater. The heater slowly warmed up this mess and created a pungent smell which rendered the lounge almost uninhabitable.

Eventually, Flatmate A was made to clean up his mess on Sunday night, ... 48 hours later!

The Printer is Broken

Another Joke: ...

When I Say I'm Broke ... I'm Broke!

Yesterday I answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.'

'Go away!' I said. 'I haven't got any money!', I'm broke!' and I proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. 'Don't be too hasty!' he said. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto my nice new hallway carpet.

'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Sir, I will personally eat the remainder.'

I stepped back and said, 'Well I hope you've got a great appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning. What part of 'I'm broke' do you not understand?'

A Good Joke ...

Psychiatrists vs. Bartenders

EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE hiding under my bed!
… SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM
'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody
under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come
talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of
those fears..'
'How much do you charge?' 'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the
doctor. 'I'll sleep on it,' I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you
come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful
lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have
saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude the Dr. said, 'and how, may I ask,
did a bartender cure you?'

'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now!!’


SCREW THOSE SHRINKS.. GO HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER!

Have You Ever Been Rick Rolled?

I have on occassion clicked on videos posted on sites such as Youtube, only to endure the misfortune of being directed to a video clip of Rick Astley's 1987 song Never Gonna Give You Up.

Has this ever happened to you?

Apparently, there are many seemingly unrelated links/URL's that are somehow obfuscated, which direct many unfortunate souls to this dreadful cacophony.

There is even an internet term called Rickrolling (e.g. You have been Rickrolled).

If you're a fan of Never Gonna Give You Up, then this has probably made your day.

For the rest of us though, we will need to recuperate and detoxify our brains by listening to our favourite music.

Tank Tops in Reccessionary America!

True Redneck Tank Top!!!!

This was taken in front of the Gardendale, Alabama,
Walmart while she was going to the Flea market.
This is hysterical! Look at it closely.

Now I ask you...
Who ... stands and looks at a pair of men's briefs and says hummmm...I can make a nice summer top from these!!

On the other hand... a few bucks for a three pack is a good price!!

Knife Trick - Don't Try This One Kids!

This video is self explanatory.