Needs A New Outfit!

The Printer is Broken

Another Joke: ...

When I Say I'm Broke ... I'm Broke!

Yesterday I answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.'

'Go away!' I said. 'I haven't got any money!', I'm broke!' and I proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. 'Don't be too hasty!' he said. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto my nice new hallway carpet.

'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Sir, I will personally eat the remainder.'

I stepped back and said, 'Well I hope you've got a great appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning. What part of 'I'm broke' do you not understand?'

A Good Joke ...

Psychiatrists vs. Bartenders

EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE hiding under my bed!
… SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM
'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody
under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come
talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of
those fears..'
'How much do you charge?' 'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the
doctor. 'I'll sleep on it,' I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you
come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful
lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have
saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude the Dr. said, 'and how, may I ask,
did a bartender cure you?'

'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now!!’


SCREW THOSE SHRINKS.. GO HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER!

Knife Trick - Don't Try This One Kids!

This video is self explanatory.

U.S. Plan To Beat The Recession (A Funny Paper):

When Married Couples Shouldn't Hyphenate Their Names

New Zealand's Hilarious Moronical Political Circus

Election year silly season is under way!

One of our esteemed politicians, moonlighting as a fill-in radio station broadcaster, has told the station listeners that he did not want morons voting for his party.

Responding to a listener, who sent him an e-mail saying Mr Politician was a lost cause and he would soon be out of politics, Mr Politician said there were a lot of morons in New Zealand and they could vote for any party they liked, but he did not want them to vote for his party!

In yet another colourful blight on our much maligned political landscape, Mr Politician N0.2 recently told an emailer who was concerned about the extremely high number of people emmigrating to Australia to "Please join them".

Maybe us morons could vote for this guy instead ... maybe not ... hahaha!

For the purpose of maintaining the apolitical nature of this blog, I've refrained from mentioning the actual names of the politicians, their parties and the radio station concerned.

Below is a voting form with more realistic candidates.

At least neither of these candidates will label us morons.


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GENERAL ELECTION VOTING FORM

CANDIDATE 1: Gollum! (Standing for the Smeagol's Sneaking Hobbit Party)

CANDIDATE 2: Bean! (Standing for the Bean Adder Serious Party)

Auto Club Roadside Rescue In Pakistan

Hmmmm, I wonder how these guys could deal with a flat battery.