I received this particularly funny list from someone at work. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:
1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER..
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40.. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN THE STAIRS
Thursday, 18 February 2010
Amazingly Simple Home Remedies
Sunday, 14 February 2010
Philosophical Consumption.
The philosophy of democracy can sometimes be skewed towards three wolves and one sheep holding a vote to determine what's for dinner!
Saturday, 9 January 2010
More Pointless Trivia
The jellyfish known as Turritopsis nutricula is biologically immortal.
The word queue is the only word in the English language that is still pronounced the same way when the last four letters are removed.
Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand.
The placement of a donkey's eyes in its head enables it to constantly see all four of its feet!
The word queue is the only word in the English language that is still pronounced the same way when the last four letters are removed.
Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand.
The placement of a donkey's eyes in its head enables it to constantly see all four of its feet!
Thursday, 7 January 2010
Pointless Trivia
Broccoli has an IQ of about 2.
The tongue of the chameleon is twice as long as the rest of its body.
The eye of the giant squid can reach 15 inches in diameter!
Not to be confused: a bibliophile is a collector of rare books while a bibliopole is a seller of rare books.
Captain James Gallagher, flew the B-50 Superfortress taking off on February 26, 1949 Carswell Air Force base in Fort Worth, Texas on the first round-the-world, non-stop flight. The plane, carried a crew of 14, averaged 249 miles per hour on the 23,452-mile trip that ended successfully on March 2. The Superfortress was refuelled four times in the air by B-29 tanker planes.
The well known 26 mile marathon has actually been 26 miles, 385 yards since 1908. Before the 1908 Olympics the official marathon distance was exactly 26 miles. For the 1908 Olympics in London, England it was decided that the royal family needed a better view of the finish line. The race started at Windsor Castle and organizers added an extra 385 yards to the race so the finish line would be in front of the royal box.
From that point forward the marathon distance became 26 miles, 385 yards (42.195 kilometres). The International Assiciation of Athletics Federations (IAAF) adopted the distance as the "official" marathon distance in 1921.
The tongue of the chameleon is twice as long as the rest of its body.
The eye of the giant squid can reach 15 inches in diameter!
Not to be confused: a bibliophile is a collector of rare books while a bibliopole is a seller of rare books.
Captain James Gallagher, flew the B-50 Superfortress taking off on February 26, 1949 Carswell Air Force base in Fort Worth, Texas on the first round-the-world, non-stop flight. The plane, carried a crew of 14, averaged 249 miles per hour on the 23,452-mile trip that ended successfully on March 2. The Superfortress was refuelled four times in the air by B-29 tanker planes.
The well known 26 mile marathon has actually been 26 miles, 385 yards since 1908. Before the 1908 Olympics the official marathon distance was exactly 26 miles. For the 1908 Olympics in London, England it was decided that the royal family needed a better view of the finish line. The race started at Windsor Castle and organizers added an extra 385 yards to the race so the finish line would be in front of the royal box.
From that point forward the marathon distance became 26 miles, 385 yards (42.195 kilometres). The International Assiciation of Athletics Federations (IAAF) adopted the distance as the "official" marathon distance in 1921.
For the only time in recorded weather history, snow fell in the Sahara desert in southern Algeria on February 18, 1979. The storm lasted only half an hour and the snow was gone within hours.
Thursday, 10 December 2009
Monday, 23 November 2009
Finger Puppet Instructions
Someone bought me finger puppets, as a joke for a Christmas 'Secret Santa'. The product was made in China. Here are the instructions as listed on the packaging:
Instructions prepared by those, who don't use English as their first language, always make for hilarious reading.
- Put it into mouth will cause dangers of suffocation
- Play under protector's protection [this one's a classic]
- Do not use, damages, distortion product for your safety
- Please do not throw and cast it - in order to avoid injury and damage to the goods
- Do not give it to the children under 4 years
- Please do not put it near fire
Instructions prepared by those, who don't use English as their first language, always make for hilarious reading.
Tuesday, 20 October 2009
I received someone elese's credit card in the post.
Recently, Kat's (my lovely wife's) wallet went missing.
As a consequence of this, I had to cancel my credit card and order a replacement card via my bank.
Today, my Australian owned bank sent me a replacement credit card via the mail.
The credit card was held with a special backing adhesive to a letter which contained my relevant details.
I looked at the signature on the card and noticed there was something a little odd ... the digitised signature wasn't mine, ... neither was the photograph. In fact, it was someone else's credit card!
My bank had sent me someone else's card instead of my own!
I dialled the free phone number and explained my predicament.
To cut a long story short, the bank had to cancel the card they sent me, as well as my new card ... which had probably been sent to someone else ... and start again!
Now I've got to wait a few more days for my card to ... ahem ... hopefully ... ahem ... turn up in the post.
Here's an anagram which may give you a clue as the the name of my bank (common short version name):
CAT PEWS
As a consequence of this, I had to cancel my credit card and order a replacement card via my bank.
Today, my Australian owned bank sent me a replacement credit card via the mail.
The credit card was held with a special backing adhesive to a letter which contained my relevant details.
I looked at the signature on the card and noticed there was something a little odd ... the digitised signature wasn't mine, ... neither was the photograph. In fact, it was someone else's credit card!
My bank had sent me someone else's card instead of my own!
I dialled the free phone number and explained my predicament.
To cut a long story short, the bank had to cancel the card they sent me, as well as my new card ... which had probably been sent to someone else ... and start again!
Now I've got to wait a few more days for my card to ... ahem ... hopefully ... ahem ... turn up in the post.
Here's an anagram which may give you a clue as the the name of my bank (common short version name):
CAT PEWS
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
